Confronting Conscience
by Lady Aurian
Summary: DUM DUM DUM! chapter six is up! Loyal to the books story about the relationship between Frodo and Pippin during the war ot Ring. All other characters get a small bit of spotlight too. R & R!
1. Disclaimer

I do not feel like doing this every time I write a new chapter, so here's the disclaimer:  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything that Tolkien or New line cinema already own. In fact, I own nothing. Satisfied? 


	2. Prologue

Confronting Conscience  
  
By Lady Aurian  
  
  
  
Prologue  
  
  
  
'Gandalf!'  
  
Gandalf was hanging there, trying to hold on to the edge of the Bridge of Khazad-Dûm. We looked at him with utter shock. I stepped forward, wanting to help him, but two strong arms held me captured. Gandalf slid down a little more. I clenched the arms that held me. Gandalf looked at us and whispered:  
  
'Fly, you fools!'  
  
Then he fell down into the abyss.  
  
'Noooooo!' I cried, and I called his name again, hoping in vain that it was not real what I just had seen. 'GANDALF!'  
  
The one holding me bore me away as I struggled to get onto the bridge again.  
  
These images kept haunting my steps ever since we arrived in fair Lothlórien. The remainder of the journey to the other side of the mines of Moria had passed as if in a trance. I did not remember much of it. Only, that once outside, I had walked away from the Company, in need for solitude and some time to assimilate my grief.  
  
But Aragorn had led us on to the borders of Lórien. Just as I recalled the memory I realized that a tear slid down my cheek. How am I to cope with this situation? In the last few months I've been through more than I have ever been. All because of that accursed Ring.  
  
A golden leaf got stuck in my hair as I walked a small path leading to the- Valar-know-what. I brushed it away impatiently and bit my lip when the thought occurred to me that I made the wrong choice going on this quest. I could've stayed in Rivendell with Bilbo and the others, if only I would've let someone else take the Ring.  
  
I walked on, making as little noise as I could. In the distance I heard the sound of a little river running through the forest, and my feet were leading me in that direction. The winding path led me round a corner, and I got sight of the river.  
  
On the nearest bank sat a small figure with hanging shoulders. I recognized Pippin's curly head and his red cloak. I approached, and I noticed that he was trembling, and the noises coming from his direction implied that he was almost choking on his tears.  
  
When I went to stand beside him he took no notice of me. I sat down beside him and let my feet dangle into the water.  
  
'I'm so sorry, Frodo.' he sobbed without looking at me. 'I really am.'  
  
'What are you talking about, Pippin?'  
  
'It's my fault. If I hadn't touched that skeleton, it wouldn't have fallen into the well, waking all those orcs, and our fight wouldn't have awoken that Balrog.' he said in a trembling vice, before breaking down to sobs again.  
  
So he was blaming himself. I felt really sorry for him, although I would probably have blamed myself too in his situation.  
  
'Pippin, I want you to understand this.' I started, but I had to bite my lip to prevent myself from crying.  
  
'Pippin, look at me.' I lifted his chin gently with my hand.  
  
His face was a mess. His eyes were red and his cheeks tear-stained. It hurt me a lot to see the usually so cheerful hobbit in such grief.  
  
'We don't blame you, Pippin. Nobody does, so stop blaming yourself.'  
  
Pippin remained silent for a while.  
  
'He does.' he whispered at last.  
  
'What?' I asked carefully  
  
'He keeps calling me a fool, and blaming me for what happened, and he never leaves me alone!'  
  
More sobs and tears followed. If this was the work of someone of the Fellowship, he was going to pay dearly.  
  
'Who, Pippin?'  
  
Suddenly, I heard someone running through the forest behind us.  
  
'Mr. Frodo!'  
  
I sighed. Please don't tell me it's Sam following me around again.  
  
Sam halted thirty feet behind us, panting.  
  
'Dinner is ready, Mr. Frodo.' he reported  
  
'Not now, Sam.' I mouthed  
  
'Are you coming, Mr. Frodo?'  
  
'No, Sam.' I whispered  
  
Pippin wiped his face with his sleeve and prepared to get up. I put my arm around his shoulders and motioned for him to sit down again.  
  
'Well?' asked Sam. He obviously didn't want to hear that I had no time for him.  
  
'No, Sam!' I said, a little louder than necessary. Pippin jumped slightly.  
  
'Oh well, I guess I'll be going then.' Sam announced.  
  
I did not reply; neither did Pippin. Sam walked away. I waited for Pippin to say something, to answer my question.  
  
'Pippin?' I asked at length  
  
His head jerked towards me. Fresh tears had stained his face.  
  
'Who?' I asked once again, but he would say no more.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Hullo people! Here's my new fic, no Harry Potter this time. I love Lord of the Rings equally, so I decided I had to write a LotR fic too, and when I came up with this idea a couple of days ago, I thought I'd start it immediately. Sorry for the short chappy, but it switches POV and this was good point to do that.  
  
Kisses, Aurian 


	3. Pippin: blame me, it's me, the Fool, the...

Chapter one : Blame me, it's me, the fool, the good-for nothing scapegoat  
  
  
  
A chill wind rustled through the leaves, and suddenly, I longed for the warmth of a fire.  
  
Fire.  
  
Shadow and Flames.  
  
Gandalf.  
  
Your fault.  
  
No, it's not. Frodo says it isn't.  
  
Who would you rather believe, yourself, or an outsider? I am you, there's no way you can escape me.  
  
I believe him.  
  
Yes, you *want* to believe him, you ignorant fool.  
  
Stop it!  
  
Traitor.  
  
Stop it!  
  
Murderer.  
  
Please.  
  
'Pippin?' I looked at Frodo.  
  
'Who?'  
  
Don't ask, please. I don't want to lie to you, but how can I be honest with you if I don't even know what's going on myself?  
  
I did not answer; he did not ask anymore. I shivered. Frodo stood up, and held out his hand. I took it and he helped me up. Frodo is such a caring person, I wish there was anything I could do in return.  
  
We reached our little camp. Gimli sat shovelling his food inside, and so was Sam. Boromir poked his food, staring into the fire absent-mindedly. Strider was not eating at all, and Legolas was nowhere to be seen.  
  
There were two open spots in the circle around the fire. One between Sam and Merry, and one between Strider and Boromir. I knew what I had to do, and I sat down between Sam and Merry. On the spot that obviously been saved for 'Mister' Frodo by his loyal manservant Sam. But I knew from the way Frodo acted earlier that he had enough of Sam's interference with every step he did.  
  
That evening Strider, Boromir and Legolas watched over us in turns, and I watched them walking about all night. It dawned pink in the east, and after a small breakfast we travelled deeper into the woods.  
  
We walked a path on the eastern shore of the Nimrodel before it flowed into the Silverlode, and covered a great distance (or so it felt) before dusk fell. I was totally taken aback when Legolas announced that we would be sleeping in Mellyrn.* I have never even climbed a tree, let alone slept in one.  
  
Legolas leaped lightly into a tree. Suddenly a voice came from within the leaves.  
  
'Daro!'  
  
Legolas fell out of the tree in fright. Soft laughter and a conversation in Elvish could be heard. It appeared that Sam breathed so loud that the elves in the tree could've shot him in the dark. Legolas told us that the elves wanted to question him and Frodo. Three people went up the ladder in the end, for Sam seemed to think that he would be needed by his 'master'.  
  
After an half an hour Legolas descended again, with a message from the elves called Haldir, Rúmil and Orophin. We were deemed to sleep to sleep in the trees, though sleeping on a talan* wasn't as bad as I had imagined.  
  
In the east, dawn came pale that morning. Our company, led by Haldir and his brother Rúmil, set out south. We crossed the Silverlode with the help of a couple of ropes, which was actually quite easy, but some people seemed to think it quite difficult. Sam kept muttering about his uncle Andy or something, but no one was heeding his words, as was usual. My whirlwind of thoughts was interrupted by Haldir.  
  
'. as was agreed, we shall blindfold the eyes of Gimli the Dwarf.' of course, Gimli did not agree.  
  
Gimli, Legolas and Aragorn had a little quarrel over what was to be done. In the end Aragorn decided that we all had to be blindfolded. How I hate being blindfolded. Of all my senses is my sight is dearest to me. I can already imagine what my knees will look like by the time we will be brought in front of that Lord and Lady. Luckily, the next day Haldir received a message from the Lady of the Galadhrim that we were to walk freely again. But on the other side, my knees were already black and blue, so for me that message came too late.  
  
Haldir led us on to Caras Galadhon, and when we arrived my limbs were stiff and sore. The Lord and the Lady dwelled up in an enormous tree, and we had to climb countless steps to get there. In the end it did prove worth the effort, though, for the Lady Galadriel was the fairest being I ever looked upon, except maybe her granddaughter Arwen Undomiel.  
  
'Eight there are here, yet nine there were set out from Rivendell. Tell me, where is Gandalf for I much desire to speak with him.' The Lord Celeborn drawled. Really, there was no other way to describe his manner of talking.  
  
Lady Galadriel looked at us in turns. None of us, except Aragorn and Legolas could withstand her gaze. The Lady looked at me last, and I was frightened beyond my wits when I heard her voice inside my head. She spoke to me about the loss of Gandalf and my feelings of guilt, and at the same time she spoke to all of us about how we would rest here tonight. We descended from the tree and in the distance a song could be heard.  
  
A Olórin i yaresse Mentaner i Numerhui Tírien i Rómenóri Maiaron i Oiosaila Manan elye etevanne Nórie i melanelye?  
  
'A lament for Gandalf.' Legolas whispered  
  
My fault.  
  
Mithrandir, Mithrandir A Randir Vithren  
  
Your fault. Shut up.  
  
ú-reniathach i amar galen I reniad lín ne mór, nuithannen  
  
Your fault. Stop it!  
  
In gwidh ristennin, i fae narchannen  
  
Your fault your fault your fault  
  
. no .  
  
I lach Anor ed ardhon gwannen Caled veleg, ethuiannen. *  
  
Your fault. You can't deny it.  
  
Sob. More tears.  
  
Pathetic creature. Murderer.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
*Mellyrn: Mallorn trees. *A talan is a platform in a tree on which the elves sleep and stuff like that. One might go so far to call it an elvish tree house. *This is the lament for Gandalf from the fellowship soundtrack. For all those unlucky beings who do not own it; here's the translation.  
  
Verse one: Quenya Olórin, who once was Sent by the Lords of the West To guard the lands of the East Wisest of all Maiar What drove you to leave That which you loved?  
  
Verses two and three: Sindarin Mithrandir, Mithrandir O Pilgrim Grey No more will you wander the green fields of this earth Your journey has ended in darkness The bonds cut, the spirit broken The Flame of Anor has left this World A great light has gone out. 


	4. Frodo: let us go, you and I, when the ni...

Chapter two: Let us go, you and I, when the night is spread out against the sky  
  
Our company descended from the many stairs which led to the dwellings of the Lord and Lady of the Galadhrim, and I lagged behind a bit, so I could keep an eye on Pippin, who was walking at the rear. He had been crying again, I could tell. I wondered what was going on. Was it something the Lady had said to him? Or maybe the lament the elves had sung made him sad.  
  
We descended more steps. Pippin and I walked silently side by side. His hand brushed past mine, and he quickly withdrew it. Some sort of tension grew between us, but it was nothing negative. On the contrary. But it was nothing I could explain, for I never felt anything like it. I had the urge to take his hand in mine, and it was almost as strong as the temptation to put the Ring on when Nazgûl were close.  
  
Bilbo once told me not to yield to temptation, but I saw no harm in this. All I wanted to do was to comfort him. I fumbled for Pippin's hand and took it in mine. His hand felt cold and clammy, and I squeezed it reassuringly. He looked at me surprised and startled, but let me anyway.  
  
Sam was waiting for us at the bottom of the stairs. He shot an empathic look at our entangled fingers and looked at me suspiciously. Pippin let go of my hand and ran forward to catch up with Merry.  
  
Isn't it odd how Sam manages to disturb every moment of peace I have? It's becoming rather frustrating. He immediately started jabbering about how the elves let Gandalf's fireworks out of their song. The fireworks were probably the only thing that Sam really knew about Gandalf. I'm not claiming that I knew Gandalf, but there was more to him than just his fireworks.  
  
'Mr. Frodo?'  
  
'Hm? Yes, Sam, I'm listening, please continue.'  
  
Occasionally I did catch a word of what he was saying; familiar names like 'Mr. Bilbo' and 'Gandalf', but to be honest: I wasn't listening at all. Sam wasn't known to me for saying anything significant.  
  
That night I slept soundlessly, partially due to the elven magic that protected these borders. When I woke up, I felt peaceful, almost.  
  
The other hobbits were still sleeping, but Aragorn was already up and about, cleaning the last stains of orc-blood from his sword.  
  
'Good morning, Frodo.' He said when he noticed me watching.  
  
'Hullo, Aragorn.' I greeted him  
  
I stood up, put on my jacket and cloak, and took Sting with me.  
  
'Where are you going?' Aragorn asked  
  
'Oh, I'm just going to take a walk in the forest.'  
  
'As long as you don't get lost.'  
  
'No, I'll just follow the river.'  
  
I strayed into the woods, wondering at the beauty and magnificence of this forest. I'd never thought I'd ever find a landscape more beautiful than the Shire, but these woods were simply enchanting. The morning sun was being reflected on the surface of the river on my right-hand side. The path I walked was covered in golden leaves and the singing of elves could be heard everywhere.  
  
I sat down on a sun-illuminated spot and closed my eyes, feeling like I could sleep forever. But before long I woke up to the sound of running feet, and if I was not mistaken, according to the noise they made-  
  
'Mr. Frodo!'  
  
Noooo.  
  
I sighed. 'What is it, Sam?'  
  
'Where were you?'  
  
'What do you think?' I answered irritably  
  
Sam sat down too, closer to me than I liked. I shifted uncomfortably.  
  
'What were you doing, Mr. Frodo?' he asked studying my face intently  
  
'Sleeping.'  
  
'Oh well, you can sleep on, Mr. Frodo. Your Sam'll watch over you.'  
  
And that's just the reason why I won't be able to sleep again.  
  
'No, I think I'll go back and check on the others.' I stood up quickly and walked back alongside the river at great speed. I felt Sam's eyes prying in my back. What was wrong with him?  
  
When we arrived at our camp, most people were gone. Legolas and Gimli had departed earlier that morning. Aragorn, Merry and Pippin had gone too. Boromir was cleaning his clothes and armour. I set my feelings of disappointment aside and started a conversation with Boromir. I listened to stories about his youth, his father and brother, Gondor, the White City. anything for not having to talk to Sam.  
  
By the time Boromir fell silent the rest of the company minus Legolas and Gimli had gathered round the fire. We ate a little together and I slept early and soundlessly.  
  
The next day I went for a walk in the woods again, and this time I walked further until I fell asleep somewhere. It took Sam an hour longer than yesterday, but still, he found me. Tomorrow I would have to find a different path to prevent him from finding me.  
  
The night was still spread out against the sky when I woke up. I took my gear with me and exited the camp quietly. Unfortunately, I tripped over Pippin's feet when he moved in his sleep. I hoped he hadn't noticed, but he sat up and asked:  
  
'Where are you going, Frodo?'  
  
'Be still. I'm trying to escape Sam, so don't tell him which way I went.' Pippin grinned.  
  
'Can I come with you?' he asked after a moment of hesitation, in which I had already turned my back on him.  
  
A jolt of happiness rushed through me as I turned to him again.  
  
'Come on, Pip. But be careful not to wake the others.'  
  
Pippin and I set out in an other direction than the one I usually took, and we sought for a path Sam would have difficulty to discover. Pippin came up with the brilliant idea to cross the water, for Sam couldn't swim. We folded up our cloaks and held them over our heads as we crossed the stream.  
  
Halfway through, Pippin lost grip of the bottom and fell headfirst into the water. I laughed and helped him up.  
  
'Not funny!' Pippin said indignantly  
  
'Yes it was!'  
  
Pippin gave me a little shove, causing me to fall in too. Fair enough. We laughed some more and half walked-swam to the other bank. By the time the sun reached it's highest point in the sky, we stopped at a sunlit clearing. When Pippin hung his cloak on a low branch to dry, water was still dripping from it. I laid my cloak, jacket and chemise in the tall grass to dry. I wondered whether Mithril would rust, for I was still wearing the corslet Bilbo gave me. But according to the fact that it was a precious metal, I didn't think it would. Still, I took it off and laid it with the rest of my garments to dry. I lay down in the tall grass too, and studied the sky. It was steely-blue and occasionally a white or grey cloud would drift by. Pippin sat down next to me, and at length he lay down with his head on my bare stomach.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
I listened to Frodo's light breathing and noticed he was asleep. I raised my head to look at him. He looked, with his elvish-like beauty more at his place here, in Lothlórien than in the Shire. The Ring of Power gleamed innocently in the sun, on its fine silver chain around Frodo's neck. I reached out to touch it, but when only an inch parted my finger and the Ring, I heard Gandalf's voice inside my head. 'Fool of a Took!' I withdrew my hand quickly.  
  
He was right, one could never know indeed what would happen if I touched anything. and it would be very foolish indeed to touch an object of such great evil. I lay my head on Frodo's chest again. The day wore on, but I couldn't sleep. Frodo must've been exhausted, he slept all the time. I sat up and stroked the dark curls out of his face. Frodo rolled onto his side.  
  
'Pippin?' he asked sleepily  
  
I decided to play a little prank on him, like I used to do all the time back in the Shire.  
  
'No, Mr. Frodo, it's Sam.' I imitated Sam's accent  
  
Frodo gasped, bolted upright and crawled away, only to turn around with a half annoyed, half amused look on his face when he heard me laughing.  
  
'Pippin, will you never do that again? You scared me to death!'  
  
'Sorry,' I snickered  
  
Dusk deepened, and we set out to find the path to our camp again. We crossed the river without falling in this time, and wandered the path on the other shore. Suddenly, Frodo halted.  
  
'What is it?' I asked  
  
'What do you make of that?' Frodo asked, pointing out a small figure running along the path in our direction.  
  
'Sam.'  
  
'Just what I thought.'  
  
We walked on, the threat of Sam drawing nearer every step we did. I just started wondering what Frodo was up to, when he pulled me behind a tree. The sound of Sam's feet could now be heard clearly. Frodo peered around the trunk of the tree, and turning back, he looked at me.  
  
'Kiss me.'  
  
'What?!'  
  
He grabbed the back of my head and pulled my face towards his, planting his lips on mine. His other hand slid around my waist as I felt his lips part. Despite the fact that I was overcome with surprise, I closed my eyes and decided to enjoy the moment. Frodo ran his tongue across my lower lip. I opened my mouth and our tongues touched.  
  
When I heard feet halt in front of us I put my arms around him too and moved my hands up and down Frodo's back. I heard Sam gasp and Frodo deepened the kiss. The sound of walking feet slowly moved away and I assumed Sam had gone. I opened my eyes and drew back. Frodo's eyes fluttered open. I raised an eyebrow and asked him why he had done that.  
  
'What do you think?' he asked, and he smiled  
  
So he had just used me to scare off Sam. Even though I had known it was because of that, I still felt a bit disappointed. I had hoped there was more to it than that. You just kissed your 22 years older cousin, are you crazy? Well, were not that close family. I mean, my great-grandfather was his grandmothers brother. You fool, did you really think there would be another reason? Don't you think he didn't realize that? He was just playing with you! But what about that thing three days ago, when he had just grabbed my hand on an impulse.? Are you blind? Didn't you see that Sam was waiting at the bottom of the stairs? He's playing with you, mark my words.  
  
Frodo tried to grab my hand again, but I put it in my pocket in an ostentatious way. Frodo asked me what was wrong.  
  
'What do you think?' I said, using the words he had used on purpose.  
  
Frodo pretended he didn't understand why I said that.  
  
Play on, Frodo.  
  
~*~*~*~ 


	5. Pippin: I want to run away, never say go...

Chapter three: I want to run away, never say goodbye.  
  
It had been a few days since I had last spoken to Frodo. We were all seated around the fire, even Legolas and Gimli were there. And the strange thing was; they weren't even arguing or insulting each other. I wonder what has gotten into them? I observed them for a while. They were speaking together and occasionally to others, all weariness and sorrow seemed to have fallen from their shoulders.  
  
In other news, I felt weary beyond curing. I rested my head on Merry's shoulder and closed my eyes.  
  
'What's the matter, Pip?' he whispered.  
  
'Nothing, just tired.'  
  
'You're never 'just tired'. There's always another reason. Did you still think I'd fall for that?'  
  
'Not really, but it was worth a try.'  
  
I let my gaze wander over the Company. Frodo looked thoughtfully up at the sky, like he always did when he wanted to think. Boromir and Strider were having a hushed but heated discussion, and I wondered what they were talking about. Legolas and Gimli were merely eating, and so was Merry beside me. Sam was bent over his plate, too, but when he looked up, I saw my own death in his eyes. I actually found it quite funny, and I chuckled silently.  
  
'What?'  
  
'Nothing! Though. there might be something. but I'm not going to tell you now.' No. definitely not.  
  
Merry dragged me along into the woods early the next morning, probably to question me thoroughly about what he (hadn't) heard yester eve. My suspicions proved true when he suddenly halted, motioned for me to sit down, and stared at me expectantly.  
  
'Well?'  
  
'I don't now where to start.'  
  
'At the beginning, perhaps?'  
  
'Yes, perhaps.'  
  
You're not going to tell him.  
  
Oh?  
  
Yes.  
  
Maybe I will.  
  
No!  
  
Why not?  
  
Because I tell you not to, and you ought to listen to me. You already proved to be the foolish and ignorant one, so from now on I'll tell you what to do!  
  
I felt really frightened and threatened, and I decided it would indeed be better to keep my mouth shut.  
  
'Get on with your story already!'  
  
Before I could stop myself, I had already told Merry about the first day in Lothlórien and the 'incident' on the stairs. But I kept quiet about the voice inside my head, for it had told me so. When I told Merry about the kiss and Sam, he almost laughed his ass off.  
  
'But,' he spluttered moments later, 'you haven't told me yet what was so funny yesterday.'  
  
'Oh, I just got a major death glare from Sam.' I grinned  
  
'But you still haven't told me what is wrong about this situation.' So I told Merry about how I thought Frodo was just playing with me, and using me to annoy Sam.  
  
'What I make of your words, is that you're really bothered by that. Are you in love with him, Pippin?'  
  
'No! No, it can't be.'  
  
'Why not?'  
  
'There are so many reasons why. I mean, I'm only a child in our reckoning. He's twenty-two years older than I am.'  
  
'Oh, come on, Pip, you know no one in this fellowship sees you as a child! And in matters like this age isn't of any significance! But.' he added thoughtfully, 'you do have to keep in mind that every day can be your or his last, you know. So if you keep hiding your f-.'  
  
'Enough! I don't want to hear it, I get your point!' I yelled  
  
And then softer: 'You're probably right.'  
  
And laughing: 'Thank you for this wonderful advice, O Meriadoc the Wise!' I exclaimed with a mock-bow.  
  
'Oh, shut up!' Merry grinned  
  
Suddenly I spotted Frodo wandering between the trees on my left side. I stiffened, and felt a jolt of panic rush up to my head, but I pretended I hadn't seen him and looked in another direction as though fascinated by something, but not seeing anything at all. I only hoped that Merry wouldn't notice Frodo and that Frodo wouldn't notice us. For I knew what was going to happen if they did.  
  
'Hey Frodo!' Merry yelled  
  
Frodo started, but then headed in our direction.  
  
'We were just talking about you!' I flinched  
  
'Merry!' I hissed  
  
'You were?' Frodo asked, seemingly only mildly interested, but I saw him bite his lip again.  
  
I shot Merry a now-look-what-you've-done glare, but Merry simply whispered that the only way to solve my problem was to talk about it. He knew how I hated to talk about my 'problems'. He did that on purpose, the bastard. Frodo stared at us with a blank look on his face and sat down.  
  
Fly, you fool.  
  
'I'm listening.' Frodo said  
  
Fly, you fool!  
  
My eyes darted from one gap in the trees to another.  
  
'Yes, Pippin, he's listening.'  
  
I shifted uncomfortably. I knew running away wouldn't solve it, but I had no other choice.  
  
'Pippin?'  
  
RUN! Go go go go go!  
  
And I was off. Running through the trees and the thicket, away from all those annoying questions and complicated situations. I stumbled, but scrambled up again and ran on. I wanted to hide myself somewhere where I would never have to talk to anyone anymore. But that was not an option. So I just had to hide for today. Maybe they'd forget. But where to hide.  
  
I heard them coming after me.  
  
'Pippin!' Frodo's voice called  
  
'Pippin, come back here, this is ridiculous!' Merry yelled, annoyed.  
  
Now it was my turn to get angry. Mad at Merry, because he started it. Mad at Frodo, for being so perfect that he made me fall in love with him. Mad at my parents, who put me into this cruel world. Mad at myself, for agreeing to go on this accursed quest.  
  
Yes, don't forget yourself. for it is not them, but you who is the cause of it all.  
  
Am I?  
  
Yes. But there is a way out, you know.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: What? Only 7 bloody reviews? That's a little disappointing. *pout*. For the people who have reviewed:  
  
Pointy eared archer: I love you! You made my day! No. wait. my whole week! Quality fanfic, me? *squeals in delight* thank you thank you thank you!  
  
Endomiel: considering the fact that you tell me I'm scary already I-don't- know how many times a day at school, you really don't need to put it in your reviews, you know. I know I'm scary, and damn proud of it! Moeha to you and have a not-nice day :P  
  
Dimitri: all though it's quite senseless to write you something, considering the fact you're sitting next to me and I could as well just tell you. I'd like to thank you for your faithful reviewing. No offence about France today. Satisfied?  
  
Kawai Hikari: I'm glad you like my idea. Poor Pippin indeed, I'm going to make them suffer even more, but, ah well. Thanks for the review anyway! 


	6. Even though you're close to me, you're d...

Chapter four: even though you're close to me, you're distant, but I can bring you back  
I was following Merry, who had stood up and ran after Pippin as soon as he had fled. Merry suddenly halted and put up his hand. Dull, thudding noises could be heard. We walked silently into the direction of the noise.  
  
Pippin was slamming his head into a tree, while muttering something indistinguishable. Merry grabbed him by his shoulder and turned him around. Pippin looked at us in a confused way.  
  
'Pippin, stop that, you poseur.' Merry said impatiently  
  
Pippins eyes started to smoulder like hot coals and he lashed out at Merry, who let go of him immediately, thunder-stricken. Pippin ran off as fast as he could.  
  
'Did he just hit me?' Merry asked  
  
I nodded.  
  
'Something's really wrong with him. I used to be able to tell him anything, you know.'  
  
I set off after Pippin, but I couldn't overtake him, for his emotions gave him an incredible speed. I slowed down, panting, but I kept following his trail. I would find him, even if it would take me days.  
  
Merry had lagged behind, or he hadn't even followed me at all. I had been tracking Pippin down for hours now, following his trail of footprints and sometimes even pieces of fabric from his cloak that had been caught in branches. I approached the river Celebrant. What was it with Pippin and rivers when he was upset? He wasn't going to drown himself, was he?  
  
As I broke into a run again, the foreboding feeling became stronger and stronger until it turned into sheer panic.  
  
'Pippin!' I screamed  
  
My mouth and throat had become entirely dry, and breathing started to hurt. But I would not risk any harm to him, and there was no time to waste. Suddenly he came into view.  
  
He was sitting solemnly and utterly lost by the riverside. I halted, leaning against a tree. My ragged breathing became distant as Pippin turned around.  
  
Tears of anger and sorrow had stained his face, and they were still rolling down his cheeks. In some way I was relieved, for he hadn't tried to commit suicide, so I sank to my knees, trying to catch my breath.  
  
'Frodo?' Pippin crawled towards me  
  
'I'm alright. What happened?'  
  
He did not answer immediately. Blood seeping from a cut in his forehead was now dripping into the corner of his eye, where it mingled with fresh tears.  
  
'I don't know.' he lied  
  
'I don't mind if you don't want to tell me.'  
  
'I'm sorry.'  
  
I had guessed long ago what it was that Merry wanted Pippin to tell me. I looked at him intently, but he avoided my gaze. I leaned in and kissed him. I felt his warm blood and cold tears on my face.  
  
'Now I've smeared blood all over your face.' Pippin said disapprovingly as he drew back and looked at me. I shrugged.  
  
'Come, let me get it off.' He said as he dragged me to the river to wash the blood off my face and off his own.  
  
Darkness had crept into the forest of fair Lothlórien in the meantime, so we decided we'd better wait till broad daylight before we would try and find our way back to the camp. I sat down with my back against a tree and Pippin sat down between my legs, leaning against my chest. I ran my fingers through his thick curls.  
  
I wondered whether the others had noticed we hadn't come back yet. Aragorn most certainly would, that was for sure. He never missed anything.  
  
'What do you reckon will have happened to Merry?' I asked Pippin. 'He definitely hasn't followed me.'  
  
'I don't know. Perhaps he has gone back to the camp or something.'  
  
'Yes, perhaps.'  
  
After a while Pippin lay down on the ground with his cloak around him. I lay down beside him and put my arms around him. The ground felt just as cold as the light of the veiled stars above us looked. It was a good thing Pippin and I had each other to keep us warm. Pippin fell asleep before the crescent moon had reached it's highest point in the sky, but as he slept he would often talk to someone in his dreams.  
  
'. shut up. I'm not. listening. .I will not. take the. easy way.out. you cannot. make me. .no. you. cannot make me.'  
  
And then he would toss and turn in his sleep and grip me tight as though afraid to lose me if he let go. I rested my hand on his head, and let my fingers pass through his curls. I called him by his name.  
  
'Pippin.'  
  
'Hm.' he said, letting me know he was listening without opening his eyes.  
  
'What were you dreaming about?'  
  
'Huh?'  
  
'You were talking in your sleep.'  
  
'Oh?' was his simple reply before he went to sit on top of me.  
  
He bent forward to kiss me, leaning on his right elbow, and sliding his left hand down my face and throat. I knew he was doing this to distract me from the subject, and that he knew very well what I was talking about.  
  
There was something he hadn't told me, and I had the feeling that it didn't have anything to do with me. But, considering the fact that I enjoyed this far better than heaving deep conversations I just played along with him. Sooner or later he would tell me, I trusted. I slid my hands underneath his chemise. Pippin shivered, and I smiled, knowing that my hands were -always- as cold as ice. He bit my lip teasingly in return.  
  
It was not before the moon set behind the tree tops before we did another attempt to sleep.  
  
~*~*~*~  
The rising sun set a wisp of cloud spread across the pale blue sky ablaze in every colour between pink and gold as the nightly mists were lifted from the woods of Lothlórien. Dew glittered in Frodo's hair, and he looked so beautiful that I did not dare to wake him up.  
  
But even as the sun rose to her highest point in the sky, Frodo still slept on. I prodded him in an attempt to wake him up.  
  
'Frodo.'  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
'Frodo!'  
  
He still lay motionless. It was time for same drastic action. I grabbed his arm and shook him.  
  
'Wake up, Mr. Frodo, sir.'  
  
'Very funny, Pippin.' Frodo said annoyedly after snapping his eyes open.  
  
'Perhaps not,' I said, 'but that is not the point. It did wake you up, though.'  
  
'That is true.'  
  
'Don't you think it's about time we headed back to the camp?'  
  
Frodo studied the sky and then concluded I was quite right.  
  
By nightfall we reached the camp. The others were gathered around the fire, eating their meals.  
  
'We were already beginning to wonder where you had gone off to.' Strider said, looking at us as though trying to read our minds.  
  
'No need to,' Frodo said light-heartedly, 'we're back.'  
  
He sat down between Sam and Merry, and Merry shifted a bit so that I could sit between them.  
  
'Hey, Pip?'  
  
'Yes?'  
  
'I'm sorry about yesterday.'  
  
'I'm sorry I hit you. But you should not feel sorry about anything. Everything turned out alright in the end.' I told him with a mischievous grin.  
  
Merry mirrored my grin, knowing what I was implying. On my right, Sam was annoying Frodo with an endless stream of questions.  
  
'Some change seems to have come over you, Mr. Frodo. Where have you been? What have you done?'  
  
'Nothing, Sam.' Frodo said in the soft voice he always used when he was lying or holding back the truth.  
  
I grinned again, and Merry shot me a quizzical look. When I nodded towards Sam, Merry rolled his eyes. Apparently he had been following their 'conversation' too. Suddenly Strider stood up and he announced that we would be leaving the woods of Lothlórien within a couple of days.  
  
It was about time, considering the fact that we had been here for almost a month, though I did not look forward to leaving the safety of these woods and picking up our perilous quest again. No one did.  
  
But it was the only choice we had. The fate of Middle-earth had been laid in our hands. So much depended on us, and the succeeding of this quest. I didn't even want to think about what would happen when we would fail, but images of a burning Shire already started to loom up from the darkness when I stared at the fire in front of me.  
  
I wish Gandalf was still here, he would know what to do. Not that I didn't trust Strider, but it always seemed to me that Gandalf had a real plan with the Fellowship.  
  
But thanks to you Gandalf is no more. and merely wishing he'd come back is not an option.  
  
No. not you again.  
  
'Pippin?'  
  
'Hm?'  
  
'What is wrong?'  
  
'Nothing. I was just thinking.'  
  
'Yes, of course.' I could tell Frodo didn't believe me, but that didn't surprise me. I have never been very convincing when lying, just like him.  
  
Frodo grabbed my hand and squeezed it. Some fellowship members stared at us in wonder, others in a resigned way. Some were just too occupied with their food to notice. No need to explain who that would be, I guess.  
  
Frodo and I slept, no, spent the night, more like, in his 'bed'. We had been kissing passionately for some time, and the other member of the fellowship were getting very annoyed, I believe, when Frodo slid his icy hands under my garments again, causing a rather hilarious situation.  
  
'Aaaaah!' I gasped, startled from the freezing hands on my back.  
  
Some people sat up.  
  
'Are you two quite finished?' Boromir called  
  
'Right. whose was that sickening moan?'  
  
'Pippin, you slut!' Merry said in between a fit of hysterical laughter  
  
'That was rather disturbing.' Legolas commented  
  
'Honestly, what are they thinking?' Frodo exclaimed  
  
'Do you really want me to answer that?' I asked  
  
'Well, no. not really.'  
  
'Then why did you ask?'  
  
'SHUT UP!' the Company bellowed as one man  
  
Lucky for us we were in such an understanding company who took things like these easy.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: That was about it. I hope you enjoyed my new McChapter and I hope you all McSend me a nice McReview! McMoeha! I'm in such a McAnnoying mood today, but that's beside the point. Thanks to all my McReviewers! Lady Aurian 


	7. Frodo: Confined between furtive desires ...

Chapter five: Confined between furtive desires and feelings of guilt  
On the evening of the 28th day of our stay in Lórien Sam and I walked in the woods, and we were discussing his opinion on Elves, and elven-magic, when the Lady Galadriel herself approached us and beckoned us to follow her. She led us to a green hollow on the southern slopes of Caras Galadhon, through which a small stream flowed. At the bottom of the hollow stood a pedestal, carved like a tree, with a basin and a sewer on it. The lady filled the wide, shallow basin with water and breathed on it. Then, for the first time she spoke.  
  
'Here is the mirror of Galadriel. I've brought you here, so that you may look in it, if you will.'  
  
'What shall we look for, and what shall we see?' I asked her warily  
  
The lady answered that she could show us whatever she wanted, but that if she would let the mirror work freely she could not foretell what we might see.  
  
'. for it shows things that were, things that are, and things that yet may be. But which, even the wisest cannot tell. Do you wish to look?'  
  
I did not answer, my thoughts pondering what she had just said. If it was indeed going to reveal the future, I was afraid to look. The things that I might see could dishearten me so that it would distract me from my quest.  
  
'And you?' the lady asked Sam. 'For this is what your folk would call magic, I believe; though I do not understand clearly what they mean; and they seem to use the same word of the deceits of the Enemy. But this, if you will, is the magic of Galadriel. Did you not say that you wished to see Elf-magic?'  
  
'I did,' said Sam, sounding a bit nervous. 'I'll have a peep, Lady, if you're willing. And I'd not mind a glimpse of what's going on at home,' he said to me. 'it seems a terrible long time that I've been away.'  
  
'Come,' the lady said. 'you will look and see what you may. Do not touch the water!'  
  
Sam stepped forward and looked into the mirror, keeping up a constant monologue about what he saw. Some evil things seemed to be at work in the Shire, for Sam suddenly sprang back and exclaimed that he had to go home. When Sam finished talking the matter over with Galadriel she asked me again whether or no I would look into her mirror.  
  
'Do you advise me to look?' I asked her  
  
She told me I had to make that choice for myself.  
  
'I will look.' I decided at last, and gathering up the courage I climbed onto the pedestal and gazed at the dark water.  
  
The mirror cleared, and a twilit land with dark mountains looming against a pale sky appeared. On a road walked someone that reminded me of Gandalf. Next was a brief glimpse of Bilbo walking restlessly about his room. Mist covered the mirror, but when it cleared there was a vision of the sea rising in a storm, and then the black outline of a ship against the blood red, sinking sun. Then a fortress with seven white towers and the black ship again; but now it seemed to be morning. A smoke as of fire and battle arose, and the sun went down in a grey mist. Very confusing it was, and I did not understand it.  
  
I sighed, and prepared to draw away. But suddenly the mirror went entirely black, and I looked into emptiness. In the abyss a single eye appeared, which grew until it filled the whole mirror. The thing filled me with horror, and I stood rooted, unable to withdraw my gaze. It was rimmed with fire and the black slits of it's pupil opened on a pit, a window into nothing. The Eye began to search, and I knew with certainty that among the many things is sought myself was one. But I also felt that it could not see me. The chain around my neck grew heavy and dragged my head forward. Steam rose from the mirror, and the lady said:  
  
'Do not touch the water.'  
  
The vision faded, and I found myself looking at the stars again. I stepped back, shaking all over, and caught the lady's gaze.  
  
'I know what it is you last saw,' she said. 'For it is also in my mind. But do not be afraid!'  
  
She explained to me how the borders of the Golden Wood were protected against the Enemy, and she showed me Nenya, the ring of Adamant, her Ring of Power. We spoke for a while of the love of the elves for these lands, and of what lay ahead on my quest.  
  
'You are fearless and wise, Lady,' I said, and I offered her the One Ring, for I thought her a far better bearer for such a powerful object. Galadriel laughed, and told me that she had indeed long desired this.  
  
'And now at last it comes, and you will give me the ring freely! In place of the Dark Lord you will set up a queen. And I shall not be dark but beautiful and terrible as the morning and the night! Fair as the sea and the sun and the snow on the mountain! Dreadful as the storm and the lightning! Stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love me and despair.' She had lifted up her hand and the Ring of Adamant illuminated her. She looked indeed powerful beyond measurement and too beautiful to endure.  
  
But when she dropped her hand there stood an elf woman, clad in simple white.  
  
'I pass the test,' she panted slightly. 'I will diminish, and go into the west, and remain Galadriel.'  
  
We stood for a while in silence, but at length the lady spoke again.  
  
'Let us return! In the morning you must depart, for we have chosen, and the tides of fate are flowing.'  
  
Later that night the Company was summoned to the Lord and the Lady again, and we spoke of our departing and our way to Mordor. When we had said goodbye to them Pippin and I did not return to the Camp with the others. We wanted to enjoy our probably last moment of peace until the last second.  
  
The full moon illuminated the woods with a pale silver light. Up in the sky it's brightness faded out all the stars surrounding it, with the exception of Eärendil. Pippin took my head in his hands and caressed my face. I slid my arms around his waist and pulled him close, leaning in and locking my lips on his. The feeling that being with Pippin gave me made just wanting to toss the Ring in a river and abandon my quest to spend the rest of my days with him in peace. But that was not an option, as were most of the things I would rather do than fulfil my quest. Pippin drew back slightly and whispered:  
  
'Don't think about it, Frodo. just don't.' he looked into my eyes, and pressed his lips on mine again, and we kissed as though our lives depended on it. Our lives might not have depended on it, but my sanity most certainly did. The thought that Pippin loved me was the only thing that currently kept me going. It was the only thing I had left that I was willing to suffer for.  
  
The moment of our departing came too fast. After our morning meal we said goodbye to Haldir. He supplied us with boats and food, and when all was ready Aragorn led us on a trial up the Celebrant. Sam had clambered into the boat with Aragorn and me, much to my dislike. We turned a sharp bend in the river, when the lord and the lady came sailing towards us in a boat carved like a swan. The lady sung, and her voice was sad and sweet in the cool air.  
  
'We have come to bid you our last farewell, and speed you with the blessings of our land.'  
  
Aragorn stayed his boat as the swan ship drew alongside. The lord Celeborn insisted that we would eat a last meal with them, and so we did. After luncheon we sat back in the grass, and Pippin laid his head on my lap. Galadriel smiled at me knowingly, and I heard her voice inside my head.  
  
'You have chosen a good partner, Ringbearer. You are lucky to have found someone like him.'  
  
'I know. I love him dearly.'  
  
'And as I read his mind I perceive that he loves you too.'  
  
I ran my finger across his brow, his straight nose, his thin lips, and his chin. I bent forward and placed a kiss on his lips. When I looked up, the lady smiled at me again; Merry winked and the rest of the Company was all of a sudden very busy studying the grass and the sky.  
  
Galadriel let a cup filled with white mead go round. When we had all drunk the cup of parting the lady spoke again. She called us to her in turns and gave us gifts she had prepared for us.  
  
'. And you Ringbearer, I come to you last, who is not last in my thoughts. For you, I have prepared this.'  
  
She handed me a small crystal phial from which rays of light sprang.  
  
'In this phial is caught the light of Eärendil's star, set amid the waters of my fountain. It will shine still brighter when night is about you. May it be alight to you in dark places, when all other lights go out. Remember Galadriel and her mirror!'  
  
She needed not to worry about that, for the memory of the previous night was carved in my memory. For a moment I saw her like a great and beautiful queen again, but she was no longer terrible. I merely bowed as I found no words to say.  
  
The elves of Lothlórien cried their farewell as they thrust us out in to the flowing stream with grey poles. As the Celebrant passed into the currents of the Anduin I looked back and saw the lady standing on the shores in the distance, and she seemed to shine with a white light. She sang in the ancient tongue of the elves beyond the sea, and the words remained in my memory.  
  
When our journey on the great river became boring it was cheered up a bit by Merry and Pippin wreaking havoc. Their boat was floating alongside ours, and I caught a bit of their conversation with Boromir.  
  
'Hey Boromir! Legolas looks vulnerable with Gimli in his boat. You should try to hit him on Gimli's side.'  
  
Boromir laughed out loud, and then started paddling as swiftly and as silently as he could towards Legolas' boat. They approached them from the left and bumped into them with great speed. Legolas' who had been dreaming with his eyes open started, and yelled at Boromir.  
  
'Watch where you're going, you smelly human!' he yelled as their boat nearly capsized.  
  
Merry, Pippin and Boromir almost choked in their laughter, and I heard Aragorn chuckle silently behind me. Legolas kept muttering darkly about juvenile humans without any sense of responsibility, but Gimli had hardly even noticed. He kept staring and smelling at the hairs that Galadriel had given him. Pippin looked over his shoulder and smiled radiantly at me. I sighed and then smiled back. Boromir still laughed merrily. I believe he had become very fond of Merry and Pippin during our quest so far.  
  
Seven days after our departure from Lothlórien Sam told me he thought he had spotted Gollum, and indeed, the very same day we were attacked, probably by enemies that Gollum had warned. But thanks to Legolas' great skill with a bow nobody got injured.  
  
The day after the attack we had to cover a distance on foot, while carrying the boats with us. The next day we passed into the realm of Gondor. Aragorn pointed out the Argonath to us; enormous statues carved from the living rock. Statues of mighty kings of old; Aragorn's kin.  
  
Aragorn led us to the right arm of the river, and we rested on the lawn of Parth Galen on Amon Hen. It dawned like fire and smoke the next morning, and after breakfast Aragorn called us together to make a decision about the way we would take. He laid the choice on me, for I was the Ringbearer. The choice was heavy on me, and I could not decide yet. I asked them for another hour to make up my mind and strayed off into the woods.  
  
My feet took me to the summit of Amon Hen, and there I sat down on a stone ruin. I tried to recall every advice and counsel I ever had, but I came no nearer to a choice. Suddenly I had the odd feeling that unfriendly eyes were upon me, and I sprang up. It was Boromir.  
  
'None of us should wander alone,' he said in a friendly voice. 'You least of all. So much depends on you.'  
  
I made no answer.  
  
'Frodo? I know why you seek solitude. You suffer, I see it day by day. Are you sure you do not suffer needlessly?'  
  
What was he implying? What did he want? It was Boromir standing in front of me, but he seemed changed, though it was nothing visible.  
  
'There are other ways, Frodo. Other paths we might take.' He said casually  
  
'I know what you would say, and it would seem like wisdom, but for the warning in my heart.'  
  
'Warning? Against what? We're all afraid, Frodo, but to let that fear drive us, to destroy what hope we have. Don't you see, it's madness.'  
  
'There is no other way.'  
  
Suddenly he threw down the wood he had been collecting. 'All I ask is for the strength to defend my people! If you would but lend me the ring?'  
  
'No!' I said, stepping back  
  
'Why do you recoil? I am no thief.'  
  
'You are not yourself.' I proceeded to slowly walk away from him.  
  
'How much chance do you think you have? They will find you. They will take the Ring, and you will beg for death before the end! You fool! It is not yours save by unhappy chance. I could have been mine, it should be mine, give it to me! Give me the Ring!'  
  
'No!'  
  
Boromir lunged at me, a raging fire in his eyes. I fled from him, but he saw chance to grab my ankles and we both fell. Boromir tried to take the Ring by force, and there was only one thing I could do to prevent it. I slipped on the Ring and leaped blindly up the path to the hill top. I was frightened of Boromir and his raging eyes.  
  
I clambered onto the stone seat and gazed at the surrounding lands. The Great River, the misty mountains, Rohan, Isengard, Mirkwood, Lórien, Moria; signs of war were everywhere. I turned south and beheld Minas Tirith and Minas Morgul. Then at last my gaze was held by Barad-Dûr, the fortress of the Dark Lord; the very sight of it filled me with terror.  
  
There was an eye in the stronghold; an evil eye that did not sleep. It leaped towards me, I felt it searching for me. Amon Lhaw it touched, and Tol Brandir. It would find me. Panic took me over.  
  
I cried: 'Never, Never!' but it could also have been: 'Verily I come, I come to you.' I did not know, for it was confusing. Then another thought flashed through my mind.  
  
'Take it off! Take it off! Fool, take it off! Take off the Ring!'  
  
For a moment I seemed to fall into the abyss between the Eye and the Voice. I writhed, tormented, but then the more rational part of me took control. I took off the Ring. As I sat on my knees, panting, a great shadow passed over Amon Hen. It had missed me.  
  
I knew what I had to do. I had to leave for Mordor on my own. Immediately.  
  
But. Pippin. I did not want to leave him, I could not leave him. But evil was already at work in the company. I had to leave them, it would be better for everybody.  
  
Suddenly Aragorn cam striding up the hill.  
  
'Frodo?'  
  
'It has taken Boromir.' was the only thing I could say.  
  
'Where is the Ring?'  
  
Had it taken Aragorn too?  
  
'Stay away!' I stumbled backwards.  
  
'I swore to protect you.'  
  
'Can you protect me from yourself?' Silence 'Would you destroy it?'  
  
I held out the Ring. Aragorn reached out for it, but then closed my hand around it and pressed it against my chest.  
  
'I would have gone with you to the end. Into the very fires of Mordor.' Tears gleamed in his eyes.  
  
'I know.' And suddenly another thought occurred to me. 'Look after the others. Especially Sam. He will not understand.' As long as they would keep an eye on Sam, then hopefully he would not follow me.  
  
Aragorn drew his sword. 'Go, Frodo.' He said urgently. 'Run!'  
  
I half-drew Sting, and saw it gleamed blue. Orcs were close. I ran down the hill, falling then and again, and hid behind a tree. Suddenly I saw Merry and Pippin, hidden behind a rock with a small bush on it.  
  
'Frodo!' Pippin hissed. 'Hide here, quick!'  
  
How could I ever tell him? I shook my head. Pippin turned to Merry.  
  
'What's he doing?' he asked in all his innocence.  
  
Merry looked me in the eye intently, and saw my mind.  
  
'He's leaving.' he muttered more to himself than to Pippin.  
  
Pippin looked at me desperately, and gave a cry of dismay.  
  
'No!'  
  
My heart shattered  
  
Pippin climbed out of his hiding place, Merry following close behind. Suddenly they halted, looking frightened into several directions. I looked around to see what distracted them. An army of huge orcs came running down the hill.  
  
'Run, Frodo.' Merry said in the same urgent voice as Aragorn. 'Go!' He started yelling at the orcs.  
  
'Hey! Hey, you! Over here!'  
  
Pippin gave me a last grievous and hurt look, and then followed Merry.  
  
'This way!'  
  
The orcs pursued them and I slipped away. It was not until I reached the shores of the Anduin when I noticed that tears were streaming down my face. I had left him, I still could not believe it. Though it was better this way. I would go to Mordor alone.  
  
But as I paddled away that fool of a Sam came bursting out of the forest, wading into the water.  
  
'Frodo! Mr. Frodo, No! Frodo!'  
  
'No, Sam,' I said softly  
  
'Frodo!' he called again  
  
'Go back, Sam. I'm going to Mordor alone!'  
  
'Of course you are, and I'm coming with you!' he proceeded to walk into the river.  
  
'You can't swim!'  
  
He did not listen, and suddenly the water closed over his head.  
  
'Sam!' I could not let him drown because of his loyalty to me, so I paddled to the place where I thought I last saw him. I groped around in the water and grabbed a hold of his arm. He resurfaced, spluttering and coughing, and I pulled him into the boat. I knew what this meant. I had to take him with me, for I would never be able to convince him that he should go back. Why, of all people did I have to get landed with Sam?  
  
'I made a promise, Mr. Frodo, a promise. "Don't you leave him, Samwise Gamgee." And I don't mean to. I don't mean to. He sobbed  
  
I pitied him. Perhaps it would not be that bad to have someone to look after me. But I wished I could have taken Pippin with me, although he was the one I did not want to expose to the perils that lay ahead of us.  
  
Pippin.  
  
I wept openly while we were on the river. Tears dropped from my face but I did not bother to wipe them away. Sam put his arm around me.  
  
'Don't worry, Mr. Frodo. Strider will look after Pippin and the others.'  
  
I hoped he would.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: I'm sorry if the note at the end of the last chapter was confusing; apparently some people thought it was the end, but it isn't! This fic will not end ere Frodo departs to the Undying Lands! Silly me.  
  
As you may have noticed, I've used both dialogues from the movie and the book, otherwise it would be too much dialogue, so I hope the rabid fans of the books will forgive me. (I know you will, for I'm a rabid fan o/t books too) anyway,  
  
I STILL NEED A BETA-READER FOR THIS FIC! Preferably someone with English as their native speech. Just put it in a review if you want to beta-read this, or send me an e-mail at vrouwe_aurian@hotmail.com Anyway, a good day to you all, and send me a nice review and make my day! Kisses, Aurian 


	8. Pippin: My songs can only be composed of...

Dedicated to: Dinmereth, Dimitri, Elvea, Endomiel and Rilgania, my best friends, who helped me through the dark days of the past week and stopped me from doing unpleasant things to myself (self mutilation, suicide, you'll probably recognize it).  
  
6. My songs can only be composed of the greatest of pains  
  
He left.  
  
I can't believe it. He just left. A sob escaped me as Merry grabbed my wrist and dragged me away from the orcs. An extremely large orc lifted his sword and was about to hit us when Boromir countered his blow.  
  
Merry and I gazed at him, thunderstruck, as he slew orc after orc. An orc- bow twanged and Boromir suddenly fell, a thick, black arrow protruding from his chest. I heard Merry gasp faintly beside me as Boromir stood up again to slaughter more orcs until he got shot for the second time. And still, he stood up yet again killing more orcs, defending us.  
  
A third arrow hit him, and he sank to his knees, never to stand up again. Merry drew out his sword and let out a cry. I joined him in killing a couple of orcs, letting my frustrations out on the abominable creatures. Tears followed each other closely as I swore and stabbed the orcs with all my might; but two arms seized me and I thought the end was near when everything went black in front of my eyes.  
  
I woke up to harsh voices and a disgusting, but enervating drink that was being poured into my mouth. I started as I looked at the one giving it to me. It was one of those huge orcs. These were larger and more muscular than the orcs we had seen in Moria. Their foul skins were black and red, and they bore the token of a white hand on their faces and on their gear. I could see that they were a disordered company having constant arguments. I also noticed a second group of smaller and possibly even uglier orcs, bearing the token of a red, lidless eye.  
  
Suddenly the reason why I was here came back to my mind. I recalled Frodo's pained face as he left for Mordor, Boromir's white face and the arrows sticking out of his chest as he died among the corpses of orcs like these. The anger rose up in me again, and I started to kick and scream until I got hit on the head by a sword-hilt and lost conscience.  
  
I felt sick when I opened my eyes some time later. The sound of trampling iron-shod feet was heavy around me. An orc carried me on his back as they ran across plains. Merry! Where was he? Was he still alive? Where were those orcs taking us? The way to Mordor was a different direction.  
  
My throat felt entirely dry, but I did not feel hungry. Had they fed me? And if they had, what did they feed me? No, wait, I did not even want to know. The orcs ran along, the scent of their sweat heavy in the air. It was intoxicating, and it made me faint again.  
  
The orcs were having another argument when I woke up. Uglúk had to slay two of his own kin and he had trouble controlling his troups. When I felt the edge of a knife slit my wrist and blood trickle down my arm I saw chance to cut the cords binding my hands and tied them loosely around my wrists. An orcs seized me and dragged me off again. I slipped back into evil dreams.  
  
The first time I caught a glimpse of Merry was when Uglúk told me we had to walk ourselves. I was glad to see that my friend was alive, but it made me angry to see that he was severely hurt. He had a large gash in his forehead, in which the orcs smeared dark stuff. Merry cried aloud and the orcs laughed. They kicked him, and as he stood up he spotted me staring.  
  
'Hullo, Pippin. So you've come on this little expedition, too? Where do we get bed and breakfast?'  
  
I managed to smile weakly before Uglúk silenced us.  
  
We had ran across plains for hours when I turned aside from the company in the hope to leave some marks. I unclasped my elf-brooch and dropped it when a whip curled around my ankles.  
  
In the days that followed I lost every sense of time I had. But it wasn't important anymore. I had found out where they were taking us: to Isengard. To Saruman. Fear slowly started to consume me as I pondered this. Gandalf had told me some things about Saruman, and none of those things was a comfort. What would he do if he found out neither of us had the Ring? He would torture us, that was certain. How? Or, more important, how would Merry and I be able to resist it? And what if we couldn't? Horrible scenes started to loom up in front of my eyes. I saw Merry and myself being tortured in the most cruel ways I could imagine. I saw myself finally screaming Frodo had the Ring, and that he was on his way to Mordor to destroy it.  
  
No. I would never betray him.  
  
Wrong. You do not want to betray him. But how would you think that possible, a weak little Hobbit like you, exposed to the cruel torture methods of a powerful wizard?  
  
I shivered unwillingly.  
  
You do not know? I expected that. Lucky for us that I do.  
  
How?  
  
You will have to banish Frodo from your memory. There is no other way.  
  
I bit my lip. That would be impossible. My memories were all that I had left.  
  
Exactly. No hope, only memories. But what use are memories when you're dead? Because die you will, and it won't be a pleasant death.  
  
No hope? Not even that Strider would find my brooch and save us?  
  
No. Think, you fool. If Strider survived, he would have gone after Frodo. No, no hope for us.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
A red sun rose that morning, and I still couldn't believe we had escaped. Help had come unlooked-for the past night; Horsemen from the riddermark. They had slaughtered the orcs that held us captive and Merry and I had crawled to the borders of Fangorn forest. Only Uglúk had escaped at first, but he was slain in a sword-to-sword fight by a blonde-haired man who appeared to be in command. When the raid had ended the men piled the corpses and burned them. I did not pity them. The Uruk-hai deserved that.  
  
It was over. We wouldn't be taken to Isengard unless Saruman himself came down from his tower to get us. I turned around and my gaze met Merry's. He smiled at me comfortingly, and I heaved a sigh before I collapsed into his arms and broke down to sobs. Merry rubbed my back and whispered to me soothingly, but I couldn't stop myself from crying over all the misery we had been through the past weeks. When my sobs finally subsided Merry held me at an arm length and wiped away my tears.  
  
He talked to me about where he thought we had to be according to the maps he studied in Rivendell, and it appeared that we were close to the river Entwash.  
  
'Let's have something to drink first, and then we'll decide where to go next.' He pointed out a direction that led us deeper into Fangorn.  
  
Even though Lord Celeborn had warned us against the forest, I still agreed with that.  
  
'Lead on, master Brandybuck.'  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Another (very short) chapter finished. Up next: Frodo and Sam stuck in Emyn Muil. Poor Frodo. ::snicker:: I can't update much these days, cause I have some problems at school and stuff, so my parents kind of forbade me to write, except for in the weekends. Not fair. Ah well, I wish you all a very good day. Aurian. 


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